God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
