1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
