I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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