who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
