if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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