My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
