I cockslap morals
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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