were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
