I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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