Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
