Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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