My nipple is on Facebook.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
