i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
