arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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