please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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