i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
