Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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