youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
