i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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