Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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