I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're making bets on your personal life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
