if i died would you start the facebook group?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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