Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
