I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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