Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
