this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
