i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
