Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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