i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it hurts more in the daytime
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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