I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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