If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
