Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
