First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My vagina is very pro this idea
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
