I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
