youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
