I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
