you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
