I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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