If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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