I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
