She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
