it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
