Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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