I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
