No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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