it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
