Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
