I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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