Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
