You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
