It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
