Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
