He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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